The other night I tucked my little, red headed, 4 yr old into his bed. We sang the songs, prayed the prayers and finished little chats about things running through his mind at the end of his busy day. Every day is busy for him. His little body barely stops moving, his mind seems to process at 10,000 miles a minute, coming up with new ideas, stories and questions, firing one after the other.
But, that night he lay in his bed and after meticulously fixing his covers, he merely sighed.
“Mom” he started slowly
“Why aren’t things the way they are supposed to be?”
Lights out, I paused at his door… that question hit me in the gut, but I simply asked,
“What do you mean?”
He continued “I just want things to be the way I want them.”
He gets something, he understands something about life. I explained to him about the brokenness of the world, about how things don’t always happen or work the way they are supposed to, how we must try our best to deal with it, how we must be patient.
He understands the very core of our human situation, he feels the frustration of imperfection and hardship (whatever that may be at his 4 yr old level).
The past year has been a foggy bog of health problems that I never anticipated. The list is long and some are here to stay… and the basic struggle my 4 year old has is also alive and real for me.
Time and time again, the thought passes through
“This is not how it’s supposed to be.”
It’s just not, and I have had a hard time accepting it. But…
IT IS NOT THE WAY IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE- BUT it is.
It has kicked me in the shins, pushed me down, and held me there.
The fact is, this IS life, but there is only moving forward, there is no undoing, no sense in resentment or bitterness, just moving forward.
Thankfully, God has given me this 4 year old to empathize with. Somehow, it helps.
I’m coming out of something, or maybe just muddling my way through it, but in any case I’m moving forward.
I think often about the phrase ‘God’s kingdom is now and yet to come’. While I am here now, I am in and working for His kingdom, it’s in the daily ‘not how it’s supposed to be’ that I am to bring His kingdom.
But, one day there will be His kingdom that is yet to come! Then, we will will no longer ask that question, we will no longer feel that angst, it will be…
I anticipate it more now, but am also somehow more content that I have been in a long time.